The Phases of My Life

I can pretty much break down my life into 4 Phases.

Phase 1 - Never Shaved
Phase 2- Shaved face a few times a week
Phase 3 -Shaved face 3-4 times per week, shaved head once a week
Phase 4- Same as Ph 3, but added ear and nose grooming.

Another way to look at it is as follows. If you take the total amount of time allocated in my life for grooming and maintenance of my body hair, The phases can be represented as follows:





Phase 1: Simple, straight forward. Easy. I didn't grow consistent facial hair till late teens/early 20's










Phase 2: Facial hair took off, and this was the hey day of my glorious crown. Considerable time on grooming and maintenance. Still, pretty straight forward. I need mouse, a brush and a razor.








Phase 3: Things begin to change. Especially after age 30. The hair was leaving, and was completely shaved off at 31-ish. The percentage of time allocated to head hair is skewed by the fact that it started disappearing and therefore more work was needed to, well, comb over. Nose and Ear hair start entering the picture.






Phase 4: All Hell breaks loose. The amount of time spent on head hair is dramatically reduced, while maintaining a goatee (in lieu of a chin) rises. But so does the ear hair. Pesky, hard to trim, impossible to get all of it at once. Same for nose hair. And notice the arrival of "other". Can't grow hair on my head? might as well grow it in random spots on my chest and *gsap* back....




The ear hair maintenance can be graphically illustrated thus:

Scattershooting While Wondering Whatever Happened To Dan Pastorini

-It's Movie and Picture Clearinghouse time. We've got Birthdays, grandparent's visits, ballgames, and other stuff to show.

- Emery had a great 6th b-day.



- She had a couple of friends stay for movies and a sleep-over. The main activity of the night? Playing the William Tell Overture on the keyboard whilst running around the house.



- Asher spent his 9th b-day at A Minor League game in Lake Elsinore.



- Check out The score board and see who is up to bat....


- We found Rednecks in Southern California while my parents were here. Luckily, they were all gathered in one place at the time....


- Vanessa and I went to see Coldplay last weekend. They put on a heck of a show. Just makes me want to see U2 more in October.



- We've uploaded more pics than you can shake a stick at to our Flick'r site http://www.flickr.com/photos/10588989@N03/

- That's more pics than you can shake a stick at. I've personally shaken a stick at more than 460 pics at one time. Granted, there is no governing body that can sanction my stick shaking record, but still, I'm awesome at it.

- It's over

Asher's Step By Step Guide to Getting a Wii For Your Birthday

Asher here to help all the kids out there get what it is that you want for your birthday or Christmas. Want a Wii? X-Box? Guitar Hero? Whatever the gift, just follow these simple steps, and you'll have what you want. No gift worth having should come easily, so you have to know going in that this system isn't for those wanting instant gratification. It takes time and patience. But end the end, I think you will see that it is well worth the effort.

STEP 1: Sometime right after Christmas, ask for a Wii for your Birthday. You will have to endure a lecture or two from your parents. They will tell you how they didn't even have video games until they were in Jr. High, and how their parents wouldn't by them a game system. You might also have to endure your Dad telling you that HE never got a system, but Aunt Laura sure as heck got one when she asked for it. Don't worry, this is just the beginning of the process, and is completely normal.

STEP 2: Wait. Do nothing for 3-4 months. It's hard I know, but if you can make it through this period, things start to pick up.

STEP 3: 3 months or so before your birthday, announce that you'd like either a snake or a lizard for your birthday. Don't just announce it. Get online and do research. Print out "Caring for your snake" guides and leave them on the table your Dad leaves his keys on when he comes home. Talk endlessly about the behavior of the Milk snake vs. the Corn snake. Sell it.

Step 4: Full Court Press. This will involve a lot of work, but again, payday is around the corner. Start about 3 or 4 weeks before your birthday. No matter what the topic of conversation, direct it toward snakes. "Hey Mom, I notice that you take a frozen chicken and defrost it to make us dinner. That reminds me of the California King Snake, they like defrosted mice..." or "Yeah Dad, I noticed when you prayed for us just before bedtime last night you asked God to provide for us...kind of like I would provide crickets and baby mice to a young Ball Python". Also, see if you can convince your younger sister that she wants a snake too. Two voices crying for snakes will break them down.

Step 5: Act a little crazy. Start using your allowance and early birthday money to buy rubber or plastic snakes. Create a habitat for your fake snakes with some legos and plastic bins. Care for them just like they were real. Look, I never said this would be easy. Sometimes you have to sacrifice to get what you want.

Step 6: Act surprised when you get a Wii for your birthday.

Step 7: Enjoy hours of fun with your new Wii.

I'm working on a new post now. Hopefully I'll publish "How to Get A Snake For Christmas" sometime around the first of the year.

Scattershooting While Wondering Whatever Happened To Pete The Chop

So, it's been almost a month. Sorry, I've been busy. Here is an interesting list of things to inform and entertain:







- Not sure if you've heard this or not, but Michael Jackson died peacefully, with little fanfare a week ago.

- Speaking of Media circuses, here is a fun Cartoon, click to enlarge, per usual.











- My parents just left after spending a week with us. We showed them many of the sites and even let them spend some quality time with the kids one night. Vanessa and I thought it was so important that we left the house and went out to dinner.










- Em and Asher Rode an Elephant at the San Diego Fair.








- We've been crazy busy at work, but it's paying off. Found out Tuesday that we were awarded a project in Ft. Bliss. Seeing that it is in El Paso, Ft. Bliss might be the most ironically named Army base.

- I read Tolstoy's The Death of Ivan Illych - twice. Loved it. Thinking about attempting a meater Tolstoy novel soon.

- Asher and my Dad were having an conversation the other day about cartoons. Asher proclaimed that he knew who did the voice of Elmer Fudd- Barney Frank. He was serious. He said "you know, he is always saying 'the wepuwicans in congwess' all the time". I told him that Fudd was 10 times smarter and more articulate than Frank. But still, funny stuff.











- Of Course, there are other similarities.....









- Here are a couple of vids from the San Diego Fair to close this post. 'Til next time...