Asher's Step By Step Guide to Getting a Wii For Your Birthday

Asher here to help all the kids out there get what it is that you want for your birthday or Christmas. Want a Wii? X-Box? Guitar Hero? Whatever the gift, just follow these simple steps, and you'll have what you want. No gift worth having should come easily, so you have to know going in that this system isn't for those wanting instant gratification. It takes time and patience. But end the end, I think you will see that it is well worth the effort.

STEP 1: Sometime right after Christmas, ask for a Wii for your Birthday. You will have to endure a lecture or two from your parents. They will tell you how they didn't even have video games until they were in Jr. High, and how their parents wouldn't by them a game system. You might also have to endure your Dad telling you that HE never got a system, but Aunt Laura sure as heck got one when she asked for it. Don't worry, this is just the beginning of the process, and is completely normal.

STEP 2: Wait. Do nothing for 3-4 months. It's hard I know, but if you can make it through this period, things start to pick up.

STEP 3: 3 months or so before your birthday, announce that you'd like either a snake or a lizard for your birthday. Don't just announce it. Get online and do research. Print out "Caring for your snake" guides and leave them on the table your Dad leaves his keys on when he comes home. Talk endlessly about the behavior of the Milk snake vs. the Corn snake. Sell it.

Step 4: Full Court Press. This will involve a lot of work, but again, payday is around the corner. Start about 3 or 4 weeks before your birthday. No matter what the topic of conversation, direct it toward snakes. "Hey Mom, I notice that you take a frozen chicken and defrost it to make us dinner. That reminds me of the California King Snake, they like defrosted mice..." or "Yeah Dad, I noticed when you prayed for us just before bedtime last night you asked God to provide for us...kind of like I would provide crickets and baby mice to a young Ball Python". Also, see if you can convince your younger sister that she wants a snake too. Two voices crying for snakes will break them down.

Step 5: Act a little crazy. Start using your allowance and early birthday money to buy rubber or plastic snakes. Create a habitat for your fake snakes with some legos and plastic bins. Care for them just like they were real. Look, I never said this would be easy. Sometimes you have to sacrifice to get what you want.

Step 6: Act surprised when you get a Wii for your birthday.

Step 7: Enjoy hours of fun with your new Wii.

I'm working on a new post now. Hopefully I'll publish "How to Get A Snake For Christmas" sometime around the first of the year.