While sitting in a small consultation room in the CCU after just being told of my Mother's death, and waiting to go in the room and see her; my dad, sister and I began talking about the arrangements. I spoke up and volunteered to say a few words at the funeral. The next day we decided to keep the service short and simple out of consideration for the kids in the family. I was relieved. I would have loved to speak, but I am pretty sure I would have dissolved into a blubbering idiot. Plus, Dr. Ken Hester delivered the perfect message. I did however write a few things down on Friday night and Saturday - plus I've read many stories that friends and family have sent about Mom. What follows is my thoughts mixed in with what others have said in the last few days.
I volunteered to say a few things about my Mom. Which sounded like a good idea until I tried to think of something to say. My mother wasn't typical, so I didn't want to give a typical eulogy - tell when she was born, when she died, where she lived, who she was related too, followed by a few standard words of what she meant to me and my family. I wanted to say something profound, thought, as well as memory,- provoking. But then I remembered that my Mother thought everything I said was brilliant, so I'm just going to go for it.
I'd like to tell you stories about her. But I'm afraid some of those stories might leave the wrong impression; She won Miss Houston and competed in Miss Mississippi - but she didn't fit the beauty queen stereotype. She had weird mom phrases like "I'll make you think..". for example if I said "Mom, I'm going to the lake", she would reply "I'll make you think your going to the lake!" if she had other plans for me. But that might her sound, well, confusing, which she wasn't. I could tell how she look on in disbelief as my father and I put both mashed and sweet potatoes on our plates during a potluck. But that would give the impression that she was fussy, which she wasn't.
Instead, let me tell you about her Legacy. I don't know that Mom ever thought about her legacy. If she did, she kept it to herself. I'll be honest here and admit that I have thought about mine. How will I be remembered? What will be posted to my wife and kid's facebook walls when I'm gone? I'm not sure what mine will be, but if it is half of my Mom's, then I'm an OK guy. Her legacy is tied to the roles she played in life.
First, she was friend. A fierce friend. It's been said she never met a stranger, which is true. She treated just about everyone the same. However, it took her a while to become your friend. But once she did, you had a friend you could "trust with your checkbook" as my Dad would say. She was loyal, a confidant, a counselor, a listener, your chef if that's what you needed, a babysitter (of both children and adults), one who would offer an opinion - even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear, a shoulder to cry on, a partner to cry with, a helper, a giver, one who was always there. We all need friends like her.
She was a teacher. She taught people from the nursery to the nursing home. And some of it was in a class setting in Sunday School, VBS or in a college course. I had the privilege of being in a class with her my 2nd semester in college. She even tried to teach the instructor her views of eschatology. I won't mention who got the better grade in that class (though she often did). We received messages describing the way she taught in everyday life. Some have mentioned she taught them what it meant to be a Christ follower. Others have said she taught them to be a Mother, or how to have a Godly marriage. She taught me those things as well. Almost as important, she taught me how to make good cornbread. Recently, she taught me how to face illness, bad news and ultimately, death. I spoke with her last Sunday and she told me "son, if everything is OK, I'll be OK. And if things aren't OK, I'm OK".
She was a mother. In many ways. She was a second mother to many. Mine, Laura, and my Dad's facebook walls and inboxes have been filled in the last few days of stories from her ministry at the BSU (or BSM, for you progressive types). There isn't a doubt that she had a gift with college students. So many have testified how she would listen & counsel them. And that her love and care for her "kids" didn't stop at the edge of campus, or after graduation.
Of course, she was the first mother to me and my sister. And what a mother she was. It is difficult to put into words really, so I'll use this example. One day when I was in high school, it was close to my Mother's birthday, so I went to the Mall with a friend to find her something. Now, let it be known that I'm not the world's greatest shopper (except for the beach towel I bought my sister for her birthday in January - THAT was awesome). After wandering around for a while my friend finally asked "What are you looking for?". "I don't know", I replied, "what do you get for a woman who has nothing?". He asked what was she into, what hobbies did she have. That was the point, she didn't knit, sew, stitch, quilt, scrapbook, garden, shop or anything. I told my friend "I don't know, she's just into us I guess". I didn't understand it then, but I do now. She was into us. Some moms loved it when school started back in the fall. Mom dreaded that day - and was as happy as us on the last day of school. Everything she did was in some way directly related to us. That's why she didn't start with her important ministry with the college kids until we were in college. She was all the things a good mom should be, and so much more. Remember what kind of friend I said she was? What kind of teacher? Double that and that's exactly what kind of Mother she was to Laura and I. The verse that she embedded in me was "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength". There should be another verse that says "I can do all things through Christ and Mom, one gives me strength, the other believes in me". She was a believer in Lane. She was my biggest fan. (Vanessa is my biggest fan now, but Mom was a close 2nd for the last 15 years.).
I'm not sure how old I was, but I was pretty young when I realized that one day, my parents would make pretty good grandparents. And I was right. Mom was the perfect grandmother. My son Asher was the first grandbaby. The day we brought him home from the hospital we entered our house to the smell of butterbeans, peas, cornbread, chicken, and all the other comfort food that she was famous for. I realized soon afterwards that she did that not for me and Vanessa. No, she did that knowing that we'd be too busy eating to hold the baby. After the meal she said "y'all look tired, why don't you take a nap". Well, were were exhausted, so we did. She was sneaky, that Memaw. We thought she was being nice, but all she wanted was a solid two hours with her Asher. She screamed and then cried when we told her we were having a daughter. She loved living close to Matthew and Josh, loved playing with them, loved watching their ball games, loved watching them grow. I've heard it said that you can measure a person's worth by how they are thought of by their grandchildren. If that is true, MeMaw was undoubtedly the greatest person on earth.
Let's not forget that she was a wife to my Dad for nearly 42 years. I remember sitting in church one Sunday and my dad was helping with the offering. As he was walking down the aisle in his sport coat and tie, my mom leaned over and whispered in my ear "Look how handsome he is, how well he carries himself, so straight and proud..". That is the moment I realized "wow, she digs dad". And she did. She would follow him anywhere and she almost did. Mississippi, Tennessee, South Texas, North Texas, back to South Texas and finally home to Mississippi. I don't know that Dad's confidence came from Mom, but I'm pretty sure that was the case. They were opposites in many ways, but their marriage set a firm example of what I wanted my marriage to look like. It is so fitting that the last face she saw on Friday night before she went Home was his.
Above all of those my Mother was a woman of faith. Simple faith. Let's be clear, that doesn't mean her faith was blind, or immature. It was a deep, direction-giving, life-leading faith. But it was simple. She was unencumbered by theological platitudes and she was unmoved by the latest church growth trends. She simply believed that God was able and willing to do all the things he said he would do. I'll admit, at times, that was incredibly frustrating to me. "Mom, it's simply not that easy!" I'd say. But over time I've come to realize that yes, it is that easy. We try to complicate things, or try to construct doctrine or dogma that limits God. But, oh, how profound a faith it is that trusts Him Who Is Able with all things. That faith is what made her a good friend, a teacher, a loving 2nd mother, a great 1st Mom, and a dedicated spouse. She wasn't just a hearer, but also a doer. And she practiced that faith in our house, and on campus, and in your kitchen, on the floor with her grandkids, in church and everywhere she went.
I am reminded in Hebrews Chapter 10 of the "great cloud of witnesses" who have gone before us. Christ is our example in all things, but that gathering of witnesses, those who have gone before us whose lives proved that following Christ was more than another religion, their legacies are our encouragement in all things. Mom joined that great cloud on Friday. Her legacy isn't our example - "Be imitators of Christ" - but rather, her legacy is a tremendous encouragement to me, and all who mourn, that a simple yet tremendous faith can impact the lives of your family, friends, and all who you meet. I pray that my children's and nephew's legacy copies that of their Grandmother. And one day, when friends and family are gathered to celebrate my homegoing, that it will be said of me "He followed Christ, and He was his Mother's Son".
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