That's All I've Got To Say About That, For Now.

The last week and a half has been joyful, surreal, painful, weird, amazing, depressing, sorrowful, and peaceful all bundled into one. I have a few observations, and then I really would like to talk about something else. I'm not disrespecting my Mother, nor am I running from the loss. Rather, I'm doing exactly what she would have me to do, exactly what she would have done. Get up, get dressed, eat something and get on with life. So here are some final scattershots and observations from the last week or so.


- I cannot begin to express my gratitude and appreciation for all of those who have mailed, emailed, called, and otherwise made contact with me, my dad and my sister. You've cried with us, encouraged us, shared stories with us and have been the friends and family that we needed. I said it last week, and I'll say it again; the grace that was shared with us last week has changed me. I apologize if my personal responses to you have sounded scripted or pat, but I've simply been at a loss for words. Thank you, and may God richly bless each one of you.


- I have a home church now. We might only go once a year max. We won't teach Sunday School. We won't lend a hand for VBS. It might be 2000 miles away, but FBC Pontotoc is my Church. Ken, Lewis, Mickey, Dot, Laura, the rest of the staff, the deacons and the beautiful people of this fellowship overwhelmed me with their love, concern, grace and outpouring of love. If you ever open a mission in CA, I'll be a charter member.


- I've heard horror stories of families fighting and bickering over funeral arrangements. I am blessed to have a family that was of one mind throughout the entire process. The long hard day on Saturday (that started late Friday night; none of us got sleep) was in many ways one of the most blessed days of my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Thank you Dad. Thank you Laura.


- I've always loved my sister, but I have a brand new appreciation for her now. She is awesome.


- I had this crazy idea that everything was going to be OK once we got back to California. But I spent Sunday wishing I could talk to Mom. One day at a time....


- In the middle of the pain, there were some great moments. I got to introduce my first babysitter, Sissy, to my last babysitter Vanessa. I got to get reconnected to people whom I haven't seen in 30 years. I got to hold my second cousin's baby. I ate at a pretty good mexican resturant. I saw a couple of little league games and hang out with the coolest nephews ever.


- It took less than 2 years to become a California wimp. The cold, windy weather when we were there Christmas was bad, but the heat and humidity and mosquitoes drained me. My sister asked "are you going to gasp every time you walk outside?" Yes, yes I am.


- My cousin and I were talking briefly during the visitation. He stated that a great writer is one who can say the things that you've always believed, but didn;t know how to express. for the last two years, the person who has routinely said what I couldn't quite say has been the internet monk, Mike Spencer (www.internetmonk.com) . Spencer died in April, after a 4 month battle with cancer. His first and only book Mere Churchianity was released last week. I had pre-ordered a copy, and it was waiting on me when I arrived home. The Epilogue is a journal entry discovered after his death. It was dated December 4, 2009, the day he learned there was a tumor in his brain. His words on that day have served as a huge encouragment to me they are as follows:

At approximately 1 p.m. EST, the doctor's office called to tell me there were matters of concern on the CT scan. So no matter how long one has resisted the reality that the journey will take this turn, the turn arrives without permission and without the agreement that I will be able to find some mental tatic to live in denial. the next chapter arrives at its own time and with its own concern.
Like it or not, this is what I must live with, worship with, pray with, and love with today. This is my life as it comes to me from God. This is the god I know in Jesus. This is the God who gives my life significance. Whatever I am...or whatever I hope to be comes in the love of this God for me. The day is about receiving God's love; enjoying god's love, placing my many, many fears in God's love. this is today: a new turn, a new chapter, the same loving Father whom Jesus called Abba.
Every word of the Gospel is written to men who will be dead but are now alive by the mercy of God. This is my life and the life of all other persons.

- Below is the transcript of the Message from Dr. Ken Hester, Pastor of FBC Pontotoc. Frankly, I was dreading the funeral. Partly because of, well, the obvious, and partly because I'm not really good at sitting still and listening to canned sermons. I was afraid that was what was in store. Boy, was I wrong. No wonder my Mother loved Dr. Hester. I'll close with his words, for everyone who didn't make it to the services.

One of the biggest reasons we hired Barbara was because of her BSU background. I’m a BSUer from my college days at Mississippi State. I kind of operate ministry with a BSU flair. And because of Barbara’s BSU background I knew I could count on her to: (1) Love Jesus, (2) WORK at whatever, whenever, however to get the job done, (3) be joyful in the task. And she fulfilled that everyday here at First Baptist Church.

Her first day was our Feeding of the 5,000. For those of who don’t know, Feeding of the 5,000 is when our church cooks and delivers hot, Thanksgiving-type meals to the sick, shut-in, and impoverished in Pontotoc County. We do this with great collaboration with other churches in our county. We will end up delivering about 3,000+ meals in one day. To say the least, that day is absolutely crazy. That was Barbara’s first day. No staff was in the office. The phone rings off the hook. People shouting orders. Everybody is in a hurry. And everybody seems to have a walkie-talkie but no one stays in one place. It starts early and ends in exhaustion late.

I figured that if she comes back for her second day she is either (1) Nuts, or (2) a keeper. As it turns out, she’s both.

I want to apologize to the family and to her friends, far and wide. There is no way we can adequately give Barbara the honor she is due. You don’t live a life of love and ministry to her level and then appropriately summarize it in a few minutes. I think that it would take an eternity to honor her life. And we can’t do that here.

Barbara’s real honor is not going to come from us, but from the Lord Himself. In Matthew 25:34 & 21 says,

“Then shall the King say unto them on His right hand, ‘Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. … Well done, thou good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.’”

You know, every semi-conscious pastor realizes that he lives or dies by his church secretary. She has the power to save your tail, or put it in a sling. I will not confess how many times she has saved me. But early on, we almost had a run-in.

Up here we love to talk and we love to eat. So, every birthday, we have a big breakfast for staff meeting. On her birthday, we schedule a big breakfast. And she commented, “You mean, I’m going to have to cook breakfast for my own birthday? Y’all just make the women cook, don’t you?” So, I said that I’ll bring the muffins. So, I did. I went to Wal-Mart, bought muffins, and brought them to our birthday breakfast.” She never complained again.

I love Barbara’s story about how she trust Jesus. She was going through some evangelism class which also meant that you went out to go make evangelistic visits. She said that while she was making her Gospel presentation that it finally dawned on her that she didn’t have to earn her salvation, but that it was a gift of God. That is so Barbara. I can just see Barbara leading this person to Jesus and then the Gospel hitting her right in the face.

I read in her obituary that she won Miss Congeniality at the Miss Mississippi pageant in Vicksburg. That’s not surprising. She never met a stranger. She fit right in.

Laura Franklin, our church’s financial secretary, and Dot Bell had a real heart friend in Barbara. Dot works up here on Wednesdays and told me that they don’t know if her and Laura will ever be able to finish a sentence. Barbara, Dot, and Laura would talk and talk and finish each other’s sentences and laugh and laugh. They had a lot of fun up here. I don’t know if they did any work, but they sure shared a lot of love.

Barbara made an impact with her life, especially with young people. We have high school girls up here to help. Mrs. Barbara would get all up in their business. She wanted to know the latest with Catherine. And when Leanna Grace worked up here, her and Mrs. Barbara had to have their talks. When Leanna graduated and went to college, she’d stop by here to check in with Mrs. Barbara. I don’t know who liked that more, Leanna Grace or Mrs. Barbara. Y’all need to know that Mrs. Barbara loved you very much.

I tell these stories, so you as a family, can know that your wonderful mother, your wonderful sister, your dear friend, never stopped being the wonderful person you knew back home, back in Texas, or when you lived under the same roof. She went by many names: Mrs. Barbara, Bam-Bam, Ba-ba-ba-ba-Barbara Ann (mine), Bar-Bar-a (Lewis), sister, Mama, or Honey. She is one incredibly wonderful person.

I love the fact that her first date with Don was on a motorcycle. I love the fact that her and Don got snowed-in at a “Sonic” because they were “talking” for two hours. I love the fact that she loved her BSU kids. I loved the fact that she loved her family and that she loved having Laura and Andy close and how proud-but-missed Lane and Venessa. I know you know this, but your move to California … well, to Barbara it felt like China. I loved watching her play with her grandkids on the floor in the office or on our church’s playground. I loved how deeply she loved her sisters, her brothers, and her mother.

Let me address her on a professional level, as her boss. I can tell you from past experience that a church secretary is a ministerial position. One doesn’t do it for the money. Not only is there administrative obligations to fulfill each week, but you also have to take care of people. Sometimes they are spitting mad. Sometimes they are sad and hurting. Sometimes they are on cloud nine. Sometimes they need a benevolent hand. Sometimes they are con artists. Sometimes they need someone to talk to. Sometimes they have questions. Sometimes they have opinions.

Barbara McKibben was the consummate church secretary. She worked here for 3 and ½ years. She was a friend, a mother-figure, a mentor, a listener, a talker, a prankster, a care-giver, a laugher, a fan, a supporter, an encourager, a believer (in Jesus, in you, and the Jesus in you), an instigator, a finisher, a patriot, a loyalist, a holder of babies and hands, a backer, a fronter, a side-kick, an evangelist, a counselor, a preacher, a planner, a boogie-ing Baptist, a hugger, as well as a wife, a mom, a grandmother, a daughter, and a sister.

Let me address her on a personal level, as her friend. I’m going to miss her. I’m going to miss how she wouldn’t want to be too much trouble, but how she would have loved to be here and listen to all of this. I am going to miss her encouraging lies like how each Sunday my sermon was meant specifically for her, and “No ma’am, Mrs. Barbara, I haven’t lost any weight.” I am going to miss how we both liked listening to 1950’s music. I’m going to miss her laugh. I’m going to miss her blue eyes. I’m going to miss her lean-in-hand-on-cheek hugs she gave me. I’m going to miss her tears at the Veterans Day Parade and in church services. I’m going to miss that she had her favorite flavor of Moon Pie. I’m going to miss her love for everything Mississippi State. I am going to miss her doing so badly at our office’s NCAA basketball bracket picks. I am going to miss how she always accuses Dot of cheating. I am going to miss her being Barbara.

You know, this is a shock to all of us. We knew it was bad, but even in our worse case scenarios, we imagined that we would have more time. This doesn’t seem real.

We knew she didn’t always feel good, but looking back, I wonder just how bad she really felt and how she just plowed through, never letting on how bad she actually felt. She would just smile and laugh and carry on through all of the pain.

I am grateful that she did not have to endure a long and hard and eventually unsuccessful journey of chemo-therapy.

This body, her body, your body is going to pass away. The body lives under the curse. This day would indeed by utterly tragic if it were not for the Gospel of Jesus. I love how Paul put it in I Corinthians 15:51-57.